Courage

I have two songs I listen to while on my morning runs by P!nk from her album Hurts 2B Human: “Courage” and “90 Days.”

First of all, you should understand that I’m a HUGE P!nk fan. Her song lyrics speak to me and I adore the honest way she handles her personal life. Her concerts are breathtakingly amazing. She is truly a gifted musical artist and entertainer. On top of that, she is who she is. She puts her life out there through lyrics in a very honest way. Her struggles with her happiness, her relationships, her insecurities, and how to be a Rockstar mom.

If you have not listened to either song, the choruses in each song are: Have I the courage to change? Have I the courage to change today? and If you’re just some habit that I gotta break, I can clear my system in 90 days.

Old me was not in a good place…

The girl I was a few years ago was struggling. That girl had a very stressful job in nonprofit. That girl had to break up with a toxic friend. That girl wasn’t happy in her relationship at home. That girl had family members with life-threatening medical issues. That girl’s mom died. That girl wrote an (unpublished) article called “F**k You 40” because that was the year she almost lost it. That girl had a lot of excuses why she should be the way she was. But that girl also knew she could be so much better.

And then one day, that girl was ready.

And she took a deep breath, signed up for help, read and listened to books on how to change, buckled down, and took the next steps to becoming the person she wanted to be. She started with small steps. 28 days. Then 90 days.

On May 28, 2021, I will celebrate 365 days of being Alcohol-Free (AF). I probably had at least 10 months of being AF sprinkled throughout the year before and in August, I will celebrate the two-year anniversary when I decided to change my life.

If you got to this point in my article, you may give off a little groan that I am going to lecture you if you drink alcohol. Nope. I honestly, 100% do not give a poop what you do in your life. What you do or want to do, in no way affects my decisions. But I may encourage you to explore the internal reasons why you feel you have to drink, because chances are, you may be running from yourself for some reason too.

This past year my internal motto has been: Not going back. Some days I feel like I could write a book on the subject of changing who you are and the journey to get there (and maybe I will). But honestly, the first step, is having the internal courage to say, “I want to change ___ and today is the day I take a step in that direction.”

Lately, I’ve struggled with blogging as putting your life out on display can make you very vulnerable in a lot of ways. I was (am?) very hesitant to put this post out into the world. I wondered if it would change the way people see me? Or…could it help someone else who is struggling?

So, I’m here if you need me folks. I’m no expert in any of this but I think putting these things out into the universe can also have that ripple effect for change. The other day I referred to myself as Humpty Dumpty…picking up my pieces and putting them all back together again. I’m more present in my own life than I ever have been. I can openly talk about my past struggles and encourage you to find the help you need and take that first step if you need to.

The ripple effect of one change you make in your life can be powerful. I am happy with the person I am and though it may be hard for others to see, I am a very different person that I was two years ago. In fact, the last two years have been some of the hardest moments in my life. Every day there is a new challenge. New stress. New monkey wrenches thrown at me. New whatever. But I know, I do not want to go back, and I feel proud of where I am today.

Do you have the courage to change today?